This is going to be an odd post. I’m not even sure what I’ll write. As of this moment and as I sit here and think, I’ve yet to conjure up anything that seems remotely cohesive. I suppose though, I’ll try my best. For me, that’s what these types of situations call for – my best. The issue at hand is that I’m feeling a certain way and I’ve yet to determine an effective articulation for those feelings.
There’s a book floating around out there called, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It was written by Dale Carnegie way back in 1936. It’s actually one of the world’s most popular books – a title that’s been sold over 30 million times. I’ve read this book on numerous occasions and can confidently say that it’s had a tremendous effect on me. Probably the most tremendous effect from any book I’ve ever read. The first time reading it was during my attendance at Binghamton University in New York. My mother bought it and mailed it to me and boy did it leave an impression. It’s not a long read and it’s quite approachable. So much so that I wrote an entire summary of it on my other blog. You may find that summary here, if you were so inclined to read it, that is.
I’ll get right into it. This next paragraph may seem abrupt.
I’m concerned with the way people in this world are acting today. I witness their behaviors each week of each year and their lack of politeness is astounding. Consider this: If you were to walk into a room full of people between the years of 1685 and 1815 (during the Age of Enlightenment), chances are, someone would greet you and say hello. Ask you how you’re doing. Today? You’d not be likely to receive a glance. And if the entire population of that room did happen to glance your way, chances are no one would bother saying anything. This irritates me.
Here’s another example: Let’s say you achieved something remarkable. Another time, another place, perhaps you’d receive comments on your remarkability. Today? It’s like your remarkability is a threat to those around you. I get the sense that many folks out there would treat you with scorn rather than offer you the praise you deserve. I’d love to say I’m mistaken here, but I don’t think I am. The general sense I get is one of negativity and a distain for the fellow man. I’m sure I could go on and on regarding the reasoning behind this, but I’ll leave it here; many of us need to wake up to the needs of society and the individual. We must shed whatever weakness and laziness we’ve accumulated and determine ourselves to present a positive impact on others. I’m aware that my claims above are bold and I’d like you to know that I’m generally referring to society at large, rather than the small groups we belong to. Within those small groups, I’ve seen nothing but the best of behavior. Obviously, a few within every group leave something to be desired, but by and large, my experiences have been positive.
Back to my semi-rant. I’ll share a story with you to illustrate my point of all this.
Each week, I work with a very special group of people. We volunteer to help those in our community who may be in need. A few weeks ago, I was talking with one of our volunteers when she mentioned a book she was reading. Being the polite fellow I am, I asked her for the book’s title and author. Even if I had no intention of looking further into the book, the right thing to do was to ask her these questions. It made her feel as though her story was worthwhile and being listened to, which it was.
This woman and I continued to talk for a few more minutes when I was forced to excuse myself to help a person with a task. We parted ways until later in the day. Upon reconnecting, I sat and watched, we’ll call her “Jane,” work. After a few moments passed, I said, “You know Jane, you do a very good job here. I’ve come to conclude that there are a few people in this world who make the entire thing go round. You’re one of those people.” What I said was true. Jane visits our organization every single Monday and selflessly does her job for no pay and without complaint. She’s a wonder and I told her as much.
Here’s the crux: After I offered my thoughts to Jane, she began to cry. She said, “You know, I really needed to hear that today. It’s been a tough one.” She walked away from me, gathered her belongings and went home. I was left wondering what put this woman in such a state, but more so, I was left wondering how the entire group of us could have ignored Jane to such a extent that it took hours for her to hear something nice enough that would cause her to well up in tears. I can’t express how disappointed I was in myself for not paying better attention to the needs of our volunteers. Yes, people should speak up if they’re facing difficulties, but others should also take notice when something isn’t as it should be.
In general, I believe we need to begin paying attention to people other than ourselves. We need to demonstrate to the world how well-raised we are. Are you aware that most of us have mothers and fathers? Yes, it’s true. Do you know that it costs nothing and takes a mere moment for a mother or father to teach a child to show appreciation? To say please and thank you? To express interest in another? If you haven’t been taught to do these things yourself and if you aren’t paying attention the way you should, I implore you to read Dale’s book. It’ll teach you everything you’ll need to know. A good impression goes a very long way in regards to personal relationships, but a bad impression, unfortunately, goes an even longer way. I’ll leave you with this:
- Approximately eight years ago, a boy who lived up the road from Laura and me told us he was graduating from high school. After hearing this, Laura bought him a card and I enclosed a congratulatory check for $50 in it. We gave both to him. Weeks later when we next saw him, because we hadn’t heard anything back, I asked if he opened the card. He replied, “Oh yeah. Thanks.” Wow. I’ll remember that experience forever and not in a good way.
- Approximately five years ago, a family a few roads from ours gave Laura and me a dozen duck eggs. We thanked this family profusely for their generosity and being so grateful, Laura decided to spend about four hours of her day baking them a double-chocolate cake using some of the eggs they gifted us. The cake was made from scratch and the ingredients cost about $20 – mostly for the chocolate. It was an extraordinary cake. We gave the family the cake and never heard back from them. Weeks passed when I asked the family if they enjoyed it. One of them said, “Yeah, it was good. Thanks.” Wow. I’ll remember that experience forever and not in a good way.
Being polite means you need to go out of your way to make another person feel a certain way. First, you’ll need to ascertain how you’d like the person to feel and then you’ll need to make that feeling happen. Do you know that every single time Laura receives a gift from someone, no matter how big or small the gift, that person receives a hand-written note of thanks in return? Laura was raised to an extraordinary standard and it’s one of the characteristics that attracted me to her. She’s gracious and very, very polite. I just wish the rest of the world was more like her.
Remember, being polite isn’t a challenging concept to grasp. It exists when a person shows regard for another in their manner, speech, and behavior. The adjective polite stems from the mid-13th century Latin word, politus. Politus can be defined as refined, elegant, or even polished. It’s the demonstration of consideration for others, the using of tact, and the observing of social norms. What’s the opposite of being polite? Being rude, of course. And as we all certainly know, no one, and I mean no one, likes a rude person. So please be polite every chance you can.
PS – If you’re interested in learning about manners and etiquette, I encourage you to take a look at Emily Post.
